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Monday, 2 December 2013

Going into the holidays

I am not fearful. I am not afraid of December. That's a first. I was TERRIFIED last December. Mainly because the WW meeting I was attending was being cancelled like 2 weeks before Christmas and then I couldn't find another meeting/time that fit and then I just went all balls crazy on the food and gained like 10lbs.

I would like to say that November-December are incredibly hard on me. I'm sure it's hard on many many people, but this time of year I'm afraid I'm a bit selfish in terms of what I feel. My dad passed on Christmas day 5 years ago this year. I start blanking out and going through cycles of depression/sadness right around November. I have a counselling appt. booked tomorrow because last week I couldn't move. I didn't want to get out of bed. I was lethargic and feeling like I had a weight sitting on my chest, holding me down. My arms felt heavy and it was a huge challenge to go about my day and not just spend it crying curled up in my bed with my puppy. I will go through bouts of this until we move into January (and then periodically throughout the year, but not as bad). I have never seen anyone before for this, and I think I am beyond due for it.

Alas, not all is gloom and doom. I have three weeks until the Moroccan and I go on a cruise to the Bahamas!! 7 nights out of NYC. This will be my first year not being with my mom, so I needed a vacation to take my mind off of it. Until we get back and then he's jetting off to Dubai for a week, leaving me alone for New Years and my birthday. I'd better get something pretty out of it.

We got our Christmas tree yesterday so now my energy is spent trying to keep my dog from jumping up for all the ornaments. I tried to put a barricade around it this morning and we shall see if that works. So I am putting myself into the Christmas spirit and will start my baking soon.

My crossfit and food are going well. I'm so glad I found such a supportive crossfit gym. The people I normally train with are amazing. It's very rewarding to finally find something fitness related that I actually like.

So my plan for December is to be normal. To not have a plan really. I will workout, I will track and portion my food, and I will be conscious of what I'm doing. There is no reason to be afraid of this month.